thebeautifultruth
It changed my life.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 9:38 PMMy life had changed, since that one moment, that one day.
Back then, my family lived together in this house in the west of South Brooke. There was four of us, my father, my mother, Jesse and I. Jesse was six years younger than me, I took care of him everyday and taught him all the different things he wanted to know. Being a big brother made me feel important, I was his role model.
Jesse was a timid child. He was afraid of many things; he was scared of dogs, storms, the dark and everything else a little child would normally be afraid of. I would comfort him and assured him that everything was alright. He would look at me with his big hazel-coloured eyes and I would know right then, he trusted me.
My parents quarreled very often, it all began some time after Jesse was born. I never knew why they kept disagreeing on almost everything, but maybe it was just because unhappy marriages was meant to be this way. The couple get too absorbed with their own personal life, they just drifted apart. Perhaps that was just how it was.
I was just seven then, but I could pretty much tell they were angry at each other. The walls in the house were thin too, I could hear everything they said, but half the time, I did not know who it was all about. On some nights, my mother would check on me to see if I was asleep but I could tell that she had been crying.
"Mummy, why are you crying?" I would ask in a soft, small voice, but she would just shake her head and tell me to go to sleep. It hurt me and saddened me, my mother was the person I looked up to all my life. She was always there for me, taught me all the things I wanted to know, read me bedtime stories and scolded me whenever I was wrong, unlike my father who never did any of his fatherly duties. He was not much of a speaker and whenever he tried, he was always at a loss for words.
Jesse and I were sitting on the cold marble floor playing with toy cars. A storm was pouring violently outside and I knew Jesse was afraid. Playing with his toy cars made Jesse feel happier, it made me feel happy too. The room was filled with Jesse's happy giggling and endless curious questions, it was pure bliss to know that I could bring him such joy. But no, that had to change, I was too careless, it had caught me off guard. My parents had forgotten to close the door of their room and they had started shouting at one another. I immediately moved over to Jesse's side and asked him if he wanted to go sit at the front porch and watch the rain. I did not want my little brother to get hurt. He was too young to understand, not yet; he was too young.
However, I was too late. Jesse's eyes were transfixed on the two people standing in the room down the hallway.
"Let's go outside, Jesse. Do you want to see and hear the rain? We can play in the rain!" I tried my best to coax him, but he ignored me. His eyes were starting to well up with tears and I cursed myself inwardly for allowing this to happen.
"Kevin, why are they shouting?" His innocent little voice was breaking, his lips were quivering, but he did not cry. He was trying to be strong. "Why Kevin? W..why?" I did not know what to say right then, I did not know what to do. Jesse could not know the truth. All I could do was comfort him.
"I don't know, Jesse," I confessed softly and moved over to hold him in my arms tightly as I felt his tears wet against my shirt. "You know what, Jesse? You were very brave today." I felt his little head lift up from my chest, his tear-filled eyes staring up at me.
"Really, big brother?" Jesse was no longer crying as hard, a wide kiddy, toothy grin was slowly appearing on his face as he wiped his tears off his face with the back of his hands. He tried not to look back down the hallway.
"Yes you were. You were very brave, very very brave." I whispered. The look Jesse gave me was priceless. His watery, big eyes told me one thing and one thing only. Right then, I was his hero. I was a hero. The first incident that changed my life.
A few weeks later, it was the moment of truth, the divorce. My parents allowed me to choose whose custody I want to be under. Jesse and my mother or my father. I looked up at the sadness deep in my father's eyes and I decided to live with him. I lost my mother, the second decision which changed my life. My mother was taking Jesse, they were going to migrate to another town, somewhere far away.
On the day that my mother and Jesse were leaving, I tried my best to look strong in front of my little brother. Jesse still had no idea what was going on. He thought we were just going on a car ride to see planes at the airport, while my heart stung with every single word he said. I loved my little brother, more than anything in the world. I did not know how to say goodbye and part with him. There was no way I could do that.
Jesse only finally realised everything when I did not follow them to the plane. He struggled and screamed, determined to get out of my mother's strong grip, wanting me to go along with him. I did not say anything, I was speechless. The sight of my brother leaving was too much for me to bear. I did not know what to do because I knew that if I went to comfort him right then, I could never part with him again. The best thing to do was to turn on my heels and walk away. This was my goodbye to Jesse, though not a good one to others, but it was the best I could do. Suddenly, the sound of crying and screaming stopped. I closed my eyes and I knew, definitely, I was no one's hero anymore. I had just lost someone I loved. The third thing that turned my life around.
This was how I said goodbye to the person I loved most in the entire world, the person who meant the world to me. My most beloved little brother.
I still do not know if the decision I made was the right one, but perhaps saying goodbye was the best thing to do. I cursed and swore at the way things went and fate, but maybe it was all been planned, and it was time I had to let go of Jesse.
It was the last best thing I could ever do for him, and him only.
Years ago, my life was amazing. It was ideal, but now everything is a complete mess. My life took a tremendous turn. I am no longer the person I used to be because nothing could ever be the same again. I could never get back all I had lost. Especially that one person.
Totally inspired by Hero-type by Barry Lyga.
Back then, my family lived together in this house in the west of South Brooke. There was four of us, my father, my mother, Jesse and I. Jesse was six years younger than me, I took care of him everyday and taught him all the different things he wanted to know. Being a big brother made me feel important, I was his role model.
Jesse was a timid child. He was afraid of many things; he was scared of dogs, storms, the dark and everything else a little child would normally be afraid of. I would comfort him and assured him that everything was alright. He would look at me with his big hazel-coloured eyes and I would know right then, he trusted me.
My parents quarreled very often, it all began some time after Jesse was born. I never knew why they kept disagreeing on almost everything, but maybe it was just because unhappy marriages was meant to be this way. The couple get too absorbed with their own personal life, they just drifted apart. Perhaps that was just how it was.
I was just seven then, but I could pretty much tell they were angry at each other. The walls in the house were thin too, I could hear everything they said, but half the time, I did not know who it was all about. On some nights, my mother would check on me to see if I was asleep but I could tell that she had been crying.
"Mummy, why are you crying?" I would ask in a soft, small voice, but she would just shake her head and tell me to go to sleep. It hurt me and saddened me, my mother was the person I looked up to all my life. She was always there for me, taught me all the things I wanted to know, read me bedtime stories and scolded me whenever I was wrong, unlike my father who never did any of his fatherly duties. He was not much of a speaker and whenever he tried, he was always at a loss for words.
Jesse and I were sitting on the cold marble floor playing with toy cars. A storm was pouring violently outside and I knew Jesse was afraid. Playing with his toy cars made Jesse feel happier, it made me feel happy too. The room was filled with Jesse's happy giggling and endless curious questions, it was pure bliss to know that I could bring him such joy. But no, that had to change, I was too careless, it had caught me off guard. My parents had forgotten to close the door of their room and they had started shouting at one another. I immediately moved over to Jesse's side and asked him if he wanted to go sit at the front porch and watch the rain. I did not want my little brother to get hurt. He was too young to understand, not yet; he was too young.
However, I was too late. Jesse's eyes were transfixed on the two people standing in the room down the hallway.
"Let's go outside, Jesse. Do you want to see and hear the rain? We can play in the rain!" I tried my best to coax him, but he ignored me. His eyes were starting to well up with tears and I cursed myself inwardly for allowing this to happen.
"Kevin, why are they shouting?" His innocent little voice was breaking, his lips were quivering, but he did not cry. He was trying to be strong. "Why Kevin? W..why?" I did not know what to say right then, I did not know what to do. Jesse could not know the truth. All I could do was comfort him.
"I don't know, Jesse," I confessed softly and moved over to hold him in my arms tightly as I felt his tears wet against my shirt. "You know what, Jesse? You were very brave today." I felt his little head lift up from my chest, his tear-filled eyes staring up at me.
"Really, big brother?" Jesse was no longer crying as hard, a wide kiddy, toothy grin was slowly appearing on his face as he wiped his tears off his face with the back of his hands. He tried not to look back down the hallway.
"Yes you were. You were very brave, very very brave." I whispered. The look Jesse gave me was priceless. His watery, big eyes told me one thing and one thing only. Right then, I was his hero. I was a hero. The first incident that changed my life.
A few weeks later, it was the moment of truth, the divorce. My parents allowed me to choose whose custody I want to be under. Jesse and my mother or my father. I looked up at the sadness deep in my father's eyes and I decided to live with him. I lost my mother, the second decision which changed my life. My mother was taking Jesse, they were going to migrate to another town, somewhere far away.
On the day that my mother and Jesse were leaving, I tried my best to look strong in front of my little brother. Jesse still had no idea what was going on. He thought we were just going on a car ride to see planes at the airport, while my heart stung with every single word he said. I loved my little brother, more than anything in the world. I did not know how to say goodbye and part with him. There was no way I could do that.
Jesse only finally realised everything when I did not follow them to the plane. He struggled and screamed, determined to get out of my mother's strong grip, wanting me to go along with him. I did not say anything, I was speechless. The sight of my brother leaving was too much for me to bear. I did not know what to do because I knew that if I went to comfort him right then, I could never part with him again. The best thing to do was to turn on my heels and walk away. This was my goodbye to Jesse, though not a good one to others, but it was the best I could do. Suddenly, the sound of crying and screaming stopped. I closed my eyes and I knew, definitely, I was no one's hero anymore. I had just lost someone I loved. The third thing that turned my life around.
This was how I said goodbye to the person I loved most in the entire world, the person who meant the world to me. My most beloved little brother.
I still do not know if the decision I made was the right one, but perhaps saying goodbye was the best thing to do. I cursed and swore at the way things went and fate, but maybe it was all been planned, and it was time I had to let go of Jesse.
It was the last best thing I could ever do for him, and him only.
Years ago, my life was amazing. It was ideal, but now everything is a complete mess. My life took a tremendous turn. I am no longer the person I used to be because nothing could ever be the same again. I could never get back all I had lost. Especially that one person.
Totally inspired by Hero-type by Barry Lyga.
once there was me
I'm Janice, sixteen, but really, I'm three. I live in my own fantasy of endless imagination. I like the smell of new books and the wonders a camera can do. I laugh way too much.
And this, is my life.
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